The stroller was the first thing I saw that evening when I came into the driveway. It was sitting on the grass, adorned with my favorite flowers and a lovely ribbon. Lilies in yellow. I was stunned by what I saw and lost control of my keys as I gazed at the surprising present.
A pram?
My thoughts were racing, attempting to figure out why it would be there. I had never discussed this with Arthur. Alternatively, not in a serious way. I had never pressed him about it because he had consistently stated that he had no desire in having kids.
He remarked, “I don’t know, Vic,” one day when we were chatting about it over brunch. “I simply feel like I want to see the world and have all kinds of things. Children don’t seem to fit into that equation. Perhaps it’s simply something I need to let go of, you know?
Naturally, I was aware. I didn’t want to ask him any more questions because of this. I had my own personal grievances that tore at me each time I saw a mother holding her child. Nevertheless, I had persuaded myself that it would be alright as we were in agreement.
That is, I believed.
However, this stroller informed me that all had changed recently.
I took my time approaching it, as though if I went too fast it would vanish. The more I studied it, the more thought had gone into this presentation. The flowers were beautifully arranged, and inside, a letter was nestled between the folds of a white blanket.
“Oh, Arthur,” I mumbled to myself as I drew nearer.
As soon as I pulled out the note, I knew it was written by my spouse.
Vic, I’m prepared. Let’s get our baby-hunting started. I cherish you.
Tears filled my eyes, making the words hazy. I had always envisioned myself like this:
to wed a man who truly loved me. A man who desired to be my spouse and father.
In the past, I had told myself a lot of falsehoods, but deep down, I had ached for this. But now that I was standing here and holding this note, my only emotion was fear. A thick, oppressive fear that forced air out of my lungs.
Holding the note hard, I murmured to myself, “Dammit, Arthur.” “What should we do at this point?”
This was meant to be a happy occasion, where I would jump inside, embrace my spouse, and start crying. Instead, I was crumbling beneath the weight of a secret I had buried so deeply that I had almost fooled myself into thinking it was untrue.
“But it’s true, Vic,” I said, attempting to compose myself. “You need to tell him everything,” I said.
I was brought back to the current moment as my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Arthur, of course, undoubtedly calling to check on me after I’d discovered his surprise. My hands were shaking so badly that I was having trouble swiping the phone to answer calls.
“Hey?”
“Hello, my love,” Arthur murmured. “Have you noticed it?”
His voice carried enthusiasm, which I could hear. But I was unable to speak. There was too much lump in my throat. And I was aware that I would start crying the instant I spoke.
However, I had to be honest with my spouse. It was time, particularly now that he had obviously decided against having kids.
My eyes welled up with hot, thick tears before I could utter anything more.
“Oh my goodness, Arthur. I apologize so much,” I said.
There was an unbearable quiet on the other end of the telephone. My spouse started to breathe unevenly, and I could hear it.
“What’s not right? Vic? Why do you apologize? What is happening? He inquired.
“It is me…” I faltered, unable to find the right words. How could I break the news to him? How could I dash his freshly discovered dream?
“Talk to me, baby,” he pleaded.
His office phone rang noisily in the background, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“Vic, I’m heading home.” Please just hang on. I swear, I’ll be there shortly.
I hardly heard him end the call. My thoughts were racing. I dropped to the ground next to the stroller and stared at it while crying. I couldn’t believe how quickly everything could go wrong.
This was meant to be a pleasant surprise. I felt like I was about to lose my spouse, even though all he wanted was for me to be happy.
I reminded myself, “Once you tell him everything, Vic.” “Everything is subject to change.”
After what seemed like hours of minutes, I made the decision to go into the kitchen and prepare dinner. I knew I had to keep myself occupied, even though all I wanted to do was avoid this.
I told myself, “That’s the only way you’ll stay present until he gets home.”
I hurriedly made my way around the kitchen. I prepared a sauce, sliced thick chunks of fish, and roasted tomatoes. I went about everything methodically, stifling my emotions and letting muscle memory rule the day.
Subsequently, I heard Arthur’s vehicle pulling into the driveway and his footsteps scurrying across the sidewalk and inside our house.
“Victoria,” he whispered, holding my face covered in tears. “What’s not right? Speak with me.
I was unable to look my spouse in the eye. I was very embarrassed.
Finally, he said, “Please.”
Subsequently, the seal cracked.
“Arthur, I am unable to bear you children. I’m not allowed to have them. I have years of knowledge. You mentioned that you didn’t want children, so that’s why I didn’t tell you. Thus, I believed that having a challenging talk had saved me. I believed that it was better this way and that it didn’t matter. You’ve suddenly altered your mind, and I’m at a loss for what to do.
When I eventually turned to face him, I noticed the disbelief on his face, and it hurt my heart. As he tried to comprehend what I had just told him, his eyes scanned mine.
He remained silent for a brief while, so I prepared myself for the worst.
I was shocked, though, when he drew me into his arms and held me so firmly I was having trouble breathing.
He questioned, “You’ve been carrying this alone all this time?” “You’re meant to allow me to take these items with you, Victoria. The traditional route of parenthood won’t make me feel any differently about you.
But you did say that you wanted a child. You had a change of heart. How am I going to be sufficient?
“You are ample enough. Yes, it has crossed my mind more recently, and I considered the possibility that we could do it, but it doesn’t alter my feelings for you. Vic, we can still be a family. Other approaches exist,” remarked my spouse.
“Maybe we should look into adoption? even raising? See if we can use it? With relief and hope coursing through me, I asked.
Yes, Arthur replied, “my darling.” But we can also be ourselves. That’s also more than acceptable.
“You really don’t mind at all?” I enquired.
He gently wiped away the last of my tears and added, “I am.” “Vic, adoption is a lovely option. There are a ton of kids in the world who require caring parents. For them, we might be that. To them, we could be everything.
I gave a nod.
“I never considered… I said, “Art, I didn’t allow myself to believe that this was possible.”
Dinner was done when the oven timer went off after a while. My hubby grinned and released me.
“I’ll take care of dinner,” I said.
Arthur went outside to retrieve the stroller while I was occupied in the kitchen.
He put the flowers in a vase and said, “Should we leave it in the living room for now?”
I gave a nod.
Yes, let it serve as a warning about what’s next. We will be aware of the stakes each time we see it. And we’ll battle to start our own little family,” I remarked.
With a solemn expression on his face, Arthur moved the stroller into the living room and returned to the kitchen.
Vic, you won’t ever have to carry this by yourself again after this. You have to tell me everything going forward,” he stated.
“I swear,” I murmured as I drew him into a hug.
How would you have responded in that situation?
